Chapter 11: Tabula Rasa

Hmm... Something tells me I've been here before.
Things change. And so do people. Whether or not you choose to accept it is up to you. In my own case, I choose to fight it.
One thing I've started to question is this: Where did my weekends ever go? They used to be the best times I've ever had in the world to just chill and not worry about everything. But they're a mere remnant of the past. I had 3 whole days to do anything I could squeeze in 72 hours. I had the ultimate list of things to do on a Saturday. But look where I am today. It's a Saturday night. Almost 11. And I'll fall asleep in 2 hours, waking up to a Sunday with a day to try to get things accomplished. It all seems like a pipe dream now. I was a weekend warrior. I was up for anything and everything(as long as it was legal). Now my weekends aren't even worth it anymore. I might as well be in school 7 days a week. I don't talk to hardly anyone, but at least I have something to do.

There was a time when the weekends were filled with so much opportunity. I'd either chill on my own, pop in a movie, pick up a pizza, and play video games until all I was dreaming about was saving the universe. And I was happy. I didn't need to interact with other people, but when it happened, I allowed it to happen. I was content with making my weekends simple.

Other times, I'd meet up with a friend, we'd shoot the breeze at the local coffee shop, maybe chat up some random people(maybe the ladies) and from there, we'd grab food and just completely chill. Things at that time just rocked beyond anything.

Those days are now erased. Where are they now? I don't even know. They are in an inescapable wonderland , where you don't have to worry about tomorrow, you live in the moment. And with that, you could care less that Monday morning you're going to be staring at other people in a room you could care less about. Or back to a job that you extremely hate, but it puts food on the table. The weekend was based on carpe noctem. The entire element of this is now gone from my vocabulary. So much for doing that anymore...

I might as will surrender my social life and purely dedicate myself to doing school work. Just like everyone else in this boring world. Yah(sarcasm)

I believe that's what I'm really destined for. Going through this world solo. Just me, my family, and God are those that I can rely on. I won't have to be let down every time I invest 2 years into a potential friendship watching it collapse from the inside. It will save me the trouble of being counter productive.

This new year. New semester. New everything. It is my one chance again to take advantage of what I have thrown at me and make the best of it. Sure, I may have to sacrifice having an ever-standing best friend, but sacrifices must be made to ensure my own success.

I do apologize for my dreary attitude on things. They aren't going as I wanted them to go. If I had my own way, I would literally not be in this ba-humbug mood as I type. I would channel that energy into other hobbies that I have.

And for Landon. It probably doesn't matter, but this is for you man. We had a good run. 2 years of a developed friendship probably didn't mean much to you, but it did for me. You're moving on, and I am struggling. We'll still be friends, but I've already foreshadowed this to happen. We're both destined for other things in our lives. You feel it's necessary to get out of this entire region to feel important. That it's something you have to do. And as much as I hate that, and I don't agree with it, I'll respect it.

That's really it. I am losing a friend that I've invested 2 years in building a friendship with. I've grown as a person, spiritually and mentally, but I have to learn to adapt and endure. This will, too, in time pass and I'll eventually move on. He's physically moving on to some other place. We may meet up again in a year. 2 years. Or never again, but I will be thankful to have 2 years of some awesome pwnage around the town of Stillwater with him, despite never being able to land a double date. haha.

So begins a new chapter. A quest to find a new best bro. Do you have what it takes? Probably not, but go ahead and try anyways. I'm always open to meeting new people, regardless of background. As long as you don't do something creepy like sell used body parts in the dark alleys of a big city, then we're solid.
I'll find a new best friend some day. Some month. Or some year. And when that happens, it will be legen-dary(as NPH would say)

Good night world.