Fear: You call the shots. It doesn't.

 Don't let fear control your actions. Or who you are.

What is fear? Fear is the thing that holds all of us back from our own goals. It's the lingering thought in you not to take action, but always wonder, "what if?" It is a nefarious element that truly contributes to our daily miseries. Don't mistaken this with procrastination or laziness. Those are two other things.

Procrastination is something that is instilled upon you when you want to get something accomplished, but you're delaying it. Fear plays a factor in it, but it is all upon the responsibility of yourself to accomplish things.

Laziness is also different. Laziness is just not wanting to do it because you just have no desire. There were many a times that I have felt this way, but I have gradually realized this isn't for the best.

Now back to fear. Fear truly rules all of our lives. It's only during those times that we rise and stand against our own fears that we truly shine.

In my own lifetime, fear has been a big part of my own life. I have feared everything you can possibly name off: girls, my future, life in general, growing old, being alone, being more talkative, talking too much, my own ability as an artist, being manipulated, that stupid doll from child's play, clowns at one point in my life, stage fright, and even vampires. But beyond the "supernatural" and fictional fears, the real life problems of my own are the ones that terrify me the most.

I haven't truly conquered them, but I've been able to deal with them. That's my problem. I haven't reached that point where I can successfully say that I have conquered my own fears when I haven't. I still struggle with girls, talking enough, stage fright, regret, and over thinking everything.

The supreme evil dwelling within my life I'm fearful of: change. I always end up going back to this topic, as much as I dread it, but I need to get it off my back. It is a monkey that simply won't stop trying to bother me for a couple of bananas. I only gave one, he wanted 12 more....

Point being, I fear change. I fear it because I don't know what will happen to me in the crossfire. I can't considerably control some things that just happen for a reason. And I fear that.

Face the unknown with your head high. Nothing in this world is worth fearing. It only takes some will and courage to get over what you fear.
One example is I fear failure. So often this crosses my mind. What do I do to remedy it? I fight on. I get that mindset that I will prevail and I will succeed, and just like a train, I keep going. It's sad that I have to trick my mentality in order for me to progress forward, but if it isn't broke, don't fix it I always say.

That's it for now. Later!

Change, my old nemeis. Oh how we should stop meeting like this...

 Sunrise-The only thing that I absolutely enjoy about change: it dawns a new beginning, whether for the better or worse.

Change is something that hits you so fast, that by the time you realize things are different, it's entirely too late to react. Each moment is defined by your own actions, and that ultimately leads to your own destiny. You alone control how your future will be. Or so it appears so nowadays.

And then there's me. Ah there you are change. My old nemesis. So many times have you thrown me into the spirals of doom and sealed me of my fate. And I have been helpless to do anything. You have changed my school life. Influenced how I objectively view the world. And made me more of a lone wolf than I'll ever be.

I apologize to my usual readers who have to put up with my dreary writing. I get literally thrown in this twisted cycle of change and it becomes too overwhelming sometimes. Take for example, my good friend Nuwanda moving away.....

He was just the beginning. Little did I know, the friends that I bonded with over the past years have all but gone their separate ways. Some have transferred for other schools. Some have moved away completely. Why does it all have to happen so soon? I suppose it is the heart's natural tendency to branch out into the unknown, venturing off into the dark void, seeking never to return from again.

Ok, we'll all keep in touch. Let's trade numbers. That's what facebook(or stalkerbook) is for. Life will be good. No, it doesn't end that way. Those that you "friend" on the ludicrous app called facebook have a life beyond the dimensions of cyberspace. And even then, dwelling upon a social network to communicate with your actual friends in real life is sad. Terribly sad.

I don't necessarily have a problem with change all the time, but sometimes it's ridiculous. Take for example my friends. We all meet up every once in a blue moon, but this won't be going down anymore. Some will move off, never to return again. Some will go elsewhere, seeking their own fortunes. I honestly accept that my days are limited. The only regret I have is I didn't get off this rock sooner....

That's the big problem with me. I should have been the first to be ahead of the curve, so I would be unaffected by all these changes. And they wouldn't hit me like a ton of bricks so suddenly when I had to face my own realities that things weren't ever going to be back to the happier and golden days of days' past. They are only the echoes of fonder memories of the uncertain present.

Why do I dread change so much? Hmm.. it could have to do with the fact that every time something does change, it always comes with drastic and dire consequences. Those that I'm unable to accept or cope with for a while, but let it sink in later.
 
I have gone through so many changes that I've become a sentinent, numb, and almost heartless being now. Too many times have I lost contact with good friends because they've grown up and grown apart. And then there's others that I hold dear to my heart, but can't dread leaving fearing that they may change for the worse as well.

Here's a nice quote from Scrubs that I posted a while back on stalkerbook:

“I usually don’t like thinking about the future. I mean let’s face it, you can’t predict what’s going to happen. But sometimes, the thing you didn’t expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you’re going and just enjoy where you’re at.”-JD from Scrubs

He couldn't have spoken it with more truth if God gave him a high five after that quote. 

I guess instead of moping around, whining, and complaining about how all my friends are growing up, I've become more inwardly critical, and worrying so much about my own future, I should enjoy where I am at the moment. Yes, change is super lame when all of the people that you grew up around move away and go off on their own, but the thing that ties us all together is the happier times you spent with them. Like the time Nuwanda and I wooed those hot girls at D-Fizzes house. Or the time that Eric and I first met up. Or the time I met Morgan playing dodgeball at NOC, being completely unaware of how awesome and tactically advantageous it was to have him on my team. Chatting it up with Dan-O on Crackdown. Making collab videos or railing on Noobs on Xbox Live with Reggie in the earlier days. Meeting up with Rich in outwar and stomping everyone in our path. Hanging with my friends from Perry on the weekend. Chatting with Viper until I got yelled at from my parents? Or finally joining DMI, following in the footsteps of one of my best friends, Jake, and aspiring to one day be a talented artist like him, Kael, Austin, Ryno, and everyone else in DMI besides myself. Even you Phil....

Every event that I went through. Every person that I met along the way. Those things have defined who I am now. I wish I could keep us locked in the hyperbolic time chamber, freezing those fun and exciting moments I have had and never letting them end. But I have to wake up from my la la land of happiness and face the reality. We all grow up, and all we can hope for is that we won't ever grow apart. That one's for you Ryno :P


This is dedicated to my friends. All of them. I don't know where we'll all be in 5 years, but I hope the best for all of you. I don't even know where I'll be. I would just pray that we all still remain friends and remember we got this far together.


And for you Nuwanda. You've become a better friend to me over the past year. And made me a better person, that has reason to fight for his own ideals, to never be afraid to question others, and have purpose as to why I act the way I am. You've taught me so much, made me laugh harder, and helped me build the confidence I need to fight my daily battles within myself and against the world. I do hope we meet again someday, but if we don't it has been an honor and pleasure to know you man. You will come back one day to visit and we'll kick it like back in the golden days.


That's all for now. Thank you to those who were bored enough to read this post.