Me vs. The World

If you really take time to think about it, the planet is huge, but the universe is even greater. You're just one spec on a blue marble in a giant body of bigger marbles. And beyond that, your existence probably isn't as significant as you think it is. So the best thing one can do is to make the best of his or her life on this blue marble.

As cliche' as this sounds, life is full of challenges. Even the occasional battle or two. But that is what gives life meaning. If we had no conflict, it'd be pointless in pushing on every day until we grew old and eventually passed on.

During this break of the Christmas holiday, I began to reflect on many of my own conquests. Some were good. I had built up a momentum of self-confidence and striving work ethic at the beginning of the last semester that I hoped to carry on to this semester. New housing area, new people, new beginning. Things were looking great. Even got to reconnect with some former classmates of mine.

Things weren't always smooth sailing. I had to pay for my over-confident attitude with less than acceptable grades. And I managed to survive, instead of exceed my own expectations. It seemed that everyone was on the bandwagon to throw disappointment and criticism my way. I get it. I goofed bad. And it almost cost me my college career. After the 5th or 6th speech, it begins to sound all the same to me.They would say the same things. You have one life to live. You can't screw this up. I never had this educational opportunity when I was your age. Of course some even had to throw in the low blow and use reverse psychology on me. Examining a different kid with the same status as me and comparing and trying to figure out why I did poorer than them when they have a job.

Pep talks are only effective if there is meaning behind them. It's counterproductive to regurgitate the same words that everyone else is saying instead of straight up saying it was disappointing how I did this semester, and all I can do is try even harder and give it my best next semester. It doesn't have to be dragged out into a speech of determination, commitment and willpower. It can be said simply put as "do your best, try harder, and you have our support no matter what." There, that wasn't so hard was it?

If we were to examine my own career as an artist now, I would be considered a failure. I have fought a hardened and prolonged battle to survive in the art world as someone capable and potentially able to improve and express himself artistically. Everything I create is complete trash. The first idea I have is always better than the later imitations of it. Reality is boring to me. That is why I fail at recreating it. When I'm able to have the creative freedom to flex my own imagination, this is where I begin to prosper. And this is what keeps me going. Because no matter how many times I may fail at my own drawings, I tell myself this: I have made it this far in my life when no one else ever expected me to get there. And as an act of resentment, I plan to keep on going. So much for their big plans. Ha!

Deception also plays a big role in our lives. Nothing is ever as it seems. So many times have I wished and prayed that things go in my favor, but it never turned out that way. Sometimes it's just dumb pure luck that things have worked in my favor. I wasn't supposed to pass on to graphic design classes, but I survived through it. I made it through and now I'm in. I was granted a second chance to get in this program, train even harder as an artist, and get that piece of paper that says I'm good enough to work at any AAA design company on the face of the planet. That's what I set out to do, and I'm finishing this fight.

But back to deception, our perceptions on life are always construed. What we may believe will always be different than what we expect. From there we can choose to accept it or choose to change what happens for our own good. Two examples will explain this.

Example 1: How is it that one of the least likely person to be my best friend on the face to planet happens to end up in that role? We virtually have nothing in common, our personalities are completely different,  ideologies split at a certain point, and we have different interests, yet we are able to coexist without wanting to kill each other. It's like a lion nursing a baby gazelle as it's mother, not intending to eat it after it fattens up, but raising it as one of it's own children. It seems so out of place but it has happened.

Logically, it shouldn't even be able to happen. Two people with different interests and ideologies shouldn't be able to be around each other. Let alone be best friends. It happened. And it still works. How it has survived this long is beyond my own comprehension alone.

Honestly, there is an unbalance in play. If anything, it is I who am envious of my friend. He's a lady's man, a skilled musician, and isn't afraid to speak his mind. And I aspire to someday retain those traits translated in my own perspective. But for now, that isn't me. It is a work in progress that eventually hopes to get to that point someday.

Another example of this my own perspective on girls. For the longest time, I had thought it was me that wasn't good enough for them. As I grew older, I began to amend this logical way of thinking into a more rational sense. It wasn't that I wasn't good enough for them, it was that they can be erratically moronic and inconclusive.
Guys aren't any better at expressing our feelings, but we know when it's time to man up and speak the truth. There is reasoning why girls can be cockteases and how it can all end up in post-emotional traumatic awkward time spans in your life without you realizing why you were mad in the first place about it.

As relentlessly good as I have been, I've been quite unsuccessful with girls. They don't find my own charming personality attractive at all, and it is quite degrading to realize they go for the horn dogs or complete douche bags that have no respect for women in general. And as much as I get kicked in the back for that, it won't change who  I am. I may have to wait another 10 years or even end up dying alone, but in the end, I'll know that I can be happy knowing that it isn't I that was controlled by this issue. It was I that was controlling my own destiny.

Another thing I'd like to hit on is those that have 2nd guessed me suck. Yes, I don't possess any extraordinary talent nor gift that is unfathomable to the average human, but I do believe in potential. That is why when I meet anyone new, I give them one honest and good chance before I completely write them off as an imbecile and incompetent. Many times I've been picked last for teams in a sport. Picked last in a group project. Underestimated to pull through for a group of people that depended on me. Or even second guessed to show up to an event.

And to those that have 2nd guessed me, you all suck. I never got that shot that I needed to reach my potential. Instead, I was passed over like a neglected puppy at the pound, waiting for an owner. You never thought I could skillfully edit that composition in After Effects to finish the project in time. Or ever expect me to complete my assignment with uniqueness and personality to stand apart from the other typical assignments. Or shoot me down instantly when all I requested was to hang out sometime, not something hostile. No, it never happened like that and it's very lame. You're part of the reason why my self-esteem was at an all time low continuing through college, trying to calmly collect myself to carry on through the semester. And you gave me ever more reason to spit in your face as resentment when I at least survived my own adversity.

There is reasoning in my own self-redemption. I have made many mistakes in the past, but I've learned more than anything from them. In order to move forward, I have to take a step backward. I do this often because it is a stone-cold reality check.This is necessary in order to sort out the commotion that came along at the beginning. From there, I can begin to regroup, revise, and reevaluate my own situation.

And there's reasoning for my own actions and beliefs. I no longer have to prove to anyone why I believe the way I do. Or the reasons why I am doing my own things. If I give one answer for each one, that should be good enough. Or if I'm obliged to go through a thorough discussion about the matter, I can at least proudly say this is the true reasoning and I stand by it, instead of whimpering on the side and realizing I said something stupid.

This post was extremely lengthy(that's what she said!) but worth writing. To those who read this, thank you.

Back to Square 1...

Hey everyone. I'm back again babbling about something less important to the world. Well, since I have reverted back to my isolated state, I have it in my best interest to vent off to the internet about my own incites. It's very therapeutic for me to get things out of mind, on the chance I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

I am at a point in my life where I'm slightly thinking on a completely different plane than others. Sure, I will agree with you on your perspective, but I may ponder later why I believe your opinion was different than mine and why I believe a different way. I've had these sudden outbursts lately to just be completely opposed to what others believe in. Even from those that I highly respect and look up to.

So that puts me back at square 1. I'm at that point again where my actions haven't helped or prevented me from improvement. I could sit back and do nothing, just focusing on my own life, surviving, and finishing school. Or I could care more, establish and strengthen friendships, and continue to be conflicted in wanting to let my mind wander off or accept things as they are.

To clarify things, I don't in any way hate the people I hang out with. They are all unique snowflakes, and they offer something special to my inner circle, whether it be inspiration, anarchy, courage, etc. I welcome a diverse batch of friends because I happen to be diverse myself. The thing with me is sometimes it's hard to form your own opinion when you're so used to accepting someone else's opinion on a subject when they appear more intelligent and inciteful than you.

I believe humans, in nature, were meant to question everything. We question things to try to find answers to problems or develop ideas to expand into greater things. It's how God designed us to be and I'm not ashamed of this, but I can't help but wonder if it's bad to think so differently in a sense that it isn't accepted by everyone else? I've been having those times where I want to say I agree strongly with others on one particular topic, but the minute I try to talk about my own views, it's easier to shut me up or not let me speak up at all for what I believe in.

Here's two questions to consider: Why is it we care so much about others' criticism of ourselves? And why don't we take more risks in our lives? What boundaries are holding one back from accomplishing anything they want to do in this life? Or even in the great beyond?


Here's a quote from the show Community that spoke so much conviction to me I wasn't even expecting it:
" Because when you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for people is not such a big deal" -Abed from Community

The thing that got me rattling my bones is something my friend said to me the other day. He was telling me from those he knew of and those we hung out with, I was never social, I never spoke for myself, and I copied him all the time. I was 1 dimensional and it was tiring. And that I wasn't reliable at all....

I took this criticism to heart, but it stung a little bit. Knowing that the things I did weren't always viewed in a positive light made me realize something extremely important. It is imperative I did things different enough that I could still establish myself as an individual. It was good I did this, but I may have taken an extreme approach to it. Sure, I'm still trying to exercise and reorganize my actions to adjust better to social settings, but it's difficult. I've always been used to being that kid was awkwardly shy, bubbling with ideas underneath the surface, but fearing the scrutiny that I will be examined as a complete idiot.

So why do we care so much about criticism from others? I blame it on insecurity. If one person tells you that you're too cocky, inappropriate, smell bad, and just act weird, then it would be safe to presume that immediately one would tone down their attitude and adjust to others to become "accepted". But is this really want we want in our lives? To be another "accepted" person? Why is it so wrong to be different? Not everyone is going to have extraordinary conversation skills. Or athletic skills. Or computation and mathematical abilities mentally. The main concept here is to take what God has granted us with and make the best of it, or constantly striving to improve something to compensate for our own weaknesses.

Why don't we take more risks? I'm not talking about riskier activities such as sky diving, mountain climbing, flying an airplane, scuba diving, or fire breathing lessons.  I'm focusing more on the aspect of taking that lunge, being honest, and not holding back. How different would our lives be if we feared nothing?

If I was never afraid of failure, an entire spectrum of confidence would be imbued upon me. I wouldn't have to hold myself back from talking to anyone, or do anything. I could literally do anything I truly set forth to do.

One example is girls. If I wasn't afraid of rejection or criticism, I could talk to any girl that ever walked past me. And not only would it be awesome, but my confidence would skyrocket. I would no longer dwell upon the envy of my successful friends, but I would gain my own envy, for my success would revolve around my boldness and confidence. If had the ability to speak my own mind on who I ran into, girl or guy, I often wonder if they'd view me in an entirely different light, or view me negatively as someone that has more conflicting insecurities than anyone they've ever encountered.

On a different note, I've also reached that threshold where I have to be on my own again. Not only is it beneficial for me to mediate and reflect upon my own, but I sort of lost a part of my own personality hanging around the same people every time. I have the highest respect for those that respect and care about me, but the things that determine my "differences" characterize who I am. There is valid reasoning(somewhere) behind my own actions and the path I'm taking now. I want to get a design job because it's my own calling. I'm shy because I fear what others say about me. I get nervous around girls because they demand a lot out of the opposite sex. I intend on leading my life based on that. It's good to separate yourself from others to understand and grasp that natural perspective of who you were to begin with and determine whether or not you wanted to change in the first place.

Another example: One friend of mine claims I'm completely unreliable and not confident at all. I have been gradually fighting to improve, but it's a very stale process. I took his words to heart, not in hatred, but into consideration. And not only did it shed light on how he perceived me, but it also spun things around him and made me realize certain things. It made me understand that our differences were what bonded us. I was different in one aspect, and he was different in another. His words of characterizing who I was not only left me slightly bitter, but they made me stir up a formulated reasoning behind why I was this way. And if I told him, I risk him shooting me down. I realize now it isn't a big deal, because he's a big dreamer too, but not always plausible in his own inner ambitions.

My story is far from over. I have a good 20 years left in my life before I can validate whether or not I'm happy. At that point, I'll let you know. For now, I'll continue going through the twists and turns of my life. And through every hurdle I hop through, I'll have to take that knowing that things were never designed to be easy to begin with. It's when we've finally accomplished something that we can look back and laugh at something unattainable was attainable in disguise.

Thanks to all that read this ridiculously long post.

Never Compromise. Not even in the face of Armegeddon.

...As quoted by Rorschach in Watchmen. According to the ideology and background of this character from Wikipedia, Alan Moore, the creator of the character thought of Rorschach as a "real life Batman". He also stated that if Batman was a real character, then others would think he had mental problems. Which is perfectly where Rorschach comes into creation.

There's a reason why so many people enjoy this character. As do I. He was my favorite character in both the book and movie, despite how his fate is sealed at the very end. He chose to be that guy that no one wanted to be. He had to be this character because no one else would even dare to see things from an objective view, sift out the corruption in the world, and put his foot down and take action to make a difference.

The gadgets, costume, thirst for vengeance, or neighborhood don't make him a hero. He chose to fight his battle on two fronts. He was fighting something that he knew wouldn't have an ending he would favor. The end was near for him. The end is "nigh" as he mentioned.

Through the course of events that developed in Watchmen, superheroes were being outlawed and justice was practically invisible. He was fighting both his comrades and injustice. His fellow Superhero brethren gave up, gave in to the Keene Act that forbade any form of vigilantism at all. Rorschach didn't let that stop him.But Rorschach wouldn't compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon. He had a job to do and if it meant sacrificing himself to let the truth be heard, he was willing to accept that.

"Never Compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon." This quote, as mentioned in the title, brings so much power to anyone. It doesn't apply for just costumed crime fighters. It can be applied to the world. People can take this quote with them and summon the courage they need in their own lives to face anything boldly and without fear.

Would Rorschach give in to conformity? No. The movie would end, or the heroes would be executed or exiled from society if he didn't do anything. He was the only strand of hope the world needed. And even though *SPOILER ALERT* Dr. Manhattan killed him, he still symbolized something, even in his last moments of life.

Ok, I will admit I'm very passionate about the comic book world. There are those that are purely for entertainment value, but there are also comics that leave your head scratching or inspire you to great levels. Watchmen(besides Kickass) has done that. It has inspired me to look at things from an objective view and try to instill good in this world when no one believes there is any left.

As much as I hated seeing my favorite character being blasted to smithereens by the doctor, this is what had to happen. He was the only one that saw the corruption in the world as it was. He even inspired those to rally behind him, such as Nite Owl II and Silk Spectre II. He was the beginning of the unfolding tale and the end linked back to him.

Besides Rorschach being mind bogglingly awesome, he has influenced me a lot of my life. I posted that one quote to my facebook profile. It is a reminder that no matter what happens in my life, or in anyone's life, they can look to that and know that there is hope out there. You have the strength in yourself to do anything you to do. And no one can tell you different. I'm advocating nefarious acts of robbery, murder, or rape. I mean along the terms of setting goals, believing in yourself, and fighting for something you want in your own lives. And

There is a reason why I am Charle. And there is a reason why you are you. God made all of us different and unique in ways we can't ever imagine. Before those begin to bash that I'm pressing religion on you, I'm not. This is what my opinion is. I believe God created everything and there is purpose as to why we all tick the way we do. To give in to conformity would be compromising who I am, what I've been built up to be, and what I stand for.

I had lost a friend of mine recently. And it wasn't a casualty. He and I departed ways because he chose to press his ideals on me and that was the definitive answer.He wanted me to be someone he wanted ideally to be. And I wanted him to accept me for who I am. It's not even that hard, but this is what he chose. To compromise my sense of free will, agree with him to conform, and have no thought for myself wouldn't be an identity crisis, it would be a crime to myself. I would be committing a crime so devious that I wouldn't ever be able to look back it with an open mind. He wanted me to compromise who I was, and be some other Charle in an ideal, robotic, distinct, black and white world.  I hate to break it to him, but God made me as a snowflake for a reason....

As sad as it is, I saw it coming a long ways away. Our friendship had been deteriorating gradually, when he decided that psychiatric evaluations and estute observations were necessary when being around me. He claims that he is this way with all his friends, but I don't believe him at all. He chooses to study me as a lab animal, in a subjective way. Well I'm not a test subject. And I'm not going to compromise who I am to resuscitate a friendship heading into a coma. I've thrown as many life savers as I can at this, trying to make amends, but he is as stubborn as me, but for the wrong reasons.

I doubt he'll read this, but if he does, I hope you find peace in your lifetime man. I enjoyed getting to know you, but we can chat again when you decide that not everything in the world has to be concretely right or absolutely wrong. As people, we don't have to know what we want in our lives yet. It's called a lifetime for a reason. We have that entire span of time to decide how we want our story to unfold, what we do in our lives, and how it will ultimately end. That is what makes our imperfect world so beautiful.

He also pointed out that I only seek to stay in my room all day, refusing to socialize. He argues that humans are naturally social, and the instant one decides not to be social, constantly they have a problem with them. There isn't a problem with me. Ok, I don't like to be surrounded by others all the time. I do not want to entertain everyone with my own thoughts and feelings because not everyone will like me or even respect me. It is best to sometimes conceal our own thoughts due to the world not always be willing with open arms to accept them. If being a lone wolf isn't the accepted "normal" then I want to be a lone wolf forever.

This argument started over me asking advice. He concluded I have a mental problem and should seek therapy immediately. What gives him the right to know what's best for me? He also claims he knows me a lot more than myself? Ok, first off there's only two people in the world, besides myself, that know me better than myself. God and my family(friends included). They perceive me as I am and don't wish to tear me down.

The whole point of friendship is to bring each other up. Support each other. Talk to each other about problems. And help each other out when overcoming obstacles. Or at least throw some feedback when needed. Not to tear them down. Tell them they're wrong. And that if they don't believe this way, that they aren't normal at all.

What's so great about "normalcy" anyways? Why would you want to be normal? Think about all the cool people that are extraordinary. They aren't normal at all, but they are living the greatest lives anyone would envy, except those who are content with living in their own world.

Superheroes aren't normal. They're freaks. The nerds that hacked computers at school and changed everyone's grades. They're either terrorists or cyber geniuses. The Olympic gymnist who can do 30 backflips in 30 minutes consecutively and not break a sweat, she's talented. Or just gifted.The kid who doodles on his school work during class, dreaming of greater things, maybe he's destined to design a revolutionary video game or bring a new level to art in comic books not even dared to be touched on.

Those people chose to rise above and be beyond "normal". I mean, if you really think about it for a second, you have to not be normal in order to achieve things in your life. If you want that promotion at work, you have to go through the trouble and effort to prove to your superiors you're worthy. You have to prove to that girl or guy you had your eye on that you're worth talking to, not just like every other person they've encountered. You have to run your hardest to win the marathon, even though you could well just give it half power and settle for 5th place.
My point is the world needs to be dared to be beyond ordinary. Because nothing would be accomplished if everyone were the same. If soldiers were afraid to go to war, we would be submitted to one national rule, one form of government, and the idea of democracy and justice would be non existent. There had to be "extraordinary" in order to have the convenience of being ordinary.

I will close this post with food for thought: Whatever you may face, whoever you meet, and whatever you do, don't compromise who you are. Sure, anyone can just hop on the bandwagon and conform to everyone else, but why not be that black sheep? Because that black sheep can inspire a nation, or even a world of other sheep to follow him. No, not follow them. That sheep can inspire the others to use their mind to think on their own. And have a free will.

And use your brain. It's a wonderful gift. God gave living things a brain and the ability to conjure up the idea of free will for a reason.

Later!

Fear: You call the shots. It doesn't.

 Don't let fear control your actions. Or who you are.

What is fear? Fear is the thing that holds all of us back from our own goals. It's the lingering thought in you not to take action, but always wonder, "what if?" It is a nefarious element that truly contributes to our daily miseries. Don't mistaken this with procrastination or laziness. Those are two other things.

Procrastination is something that is instilled upon you when you want to get something accomplished, but you're delaying it. Fear plays a factor in it, but it is all upon the responsibility of yourself to accomplish things.

Laziness is also different. Laziness is just not wanting to do it because you just have no desire. There were many a times that I have felt this way, but I have gradually realized this isn't for the best.

Now back to fear. Fear truly rules all of our lives. It's only during those times that we rise and stand against our own fears that we truly shine.

In my own lifetime, fear has been a big part of my own life. I have feared everything you can possibly name off: girls, my future, life in general, growing old, being alone, being more talkative, talking too much, my own ability as an artist, being manipulated, that stupid doll from child's play, clowns at one point in my life, stage fright, and even vampires. But beyond the "supernatural" and fictional fears, the real life problems of my own are the ones that terrify me the most.

I haven't truly conquered them, but I've been able to deal with them. That's my problem. I haven't reached that point where I can successfully say that I have conquered my own fears when I haven't. I still struggle with girls, talking enough, stage fright, regret, and over thinking everything.

The supreme evil dwelling within my life I'm fearful of: change. I always end up going back to this topic, as much as I dread it, but I need to get it off my back. It is a monkey that simply won't stop trying to bother me for a couple of bananas. I only gave one, he wanted 12 more....

Point being, I fear change. I fear it because I don't know what will happen to me in the crossfire. I can't considerably control some things that just happen for a reason. And I fear that.

Face the unknown with your head high. Nothing in this world is worth fearing. It only takes some will and courage to get over what you fear.
One example is I fear failure. So often this crosses my mind. What do I do to remedy it? I fight on. I get that mindset that I will prevail and I will succeed, and just like a train, I keep going. It's sad that I have to trick my mentality in order for me to progress forward, but if it isn't broke, don't fix it I always say.

That's it for now. Later!

Change, my old nemeis. Oh how we should stop meeting like this...

 Sunrise-The only thing that I absolutely enjoy about change: it dawns a new beginning, whether for the better or worse.

Change is something that hits you so fast, that by the time you realize things are different, it's entirely too late to react. Each moment is defined by your own actions, and that ultimately leads to your own destiny. You alone control how your future will be. Or so it appears so nowadays.

And then there's me. Ah there you are change. My old nemesis. So many times have you thrown me into the spirals of doom and sealed me of my fate. And I have been helpless to do anything. You have changed my school life. Influenced how I objectively view the world. And made me more of a lone wolf than I'll ever be.

I apologize to my usual readers who have to put up with my dreary writing. I get literally thrown in this twisted cycle of change and it becomes too overwhelming sometimes. Take for example, my good friend Nuwanda moving away.....

He was just the beginning. Little did I know, the friends that I bonded with over the past years have all but gone their separate ways. Some have transferred for other schools. Some have moved away completely. Why does it all have to happen so soon? I suppose it is the heart's natural tendency to branch out into the unknown, venturing off into the dark void, seeking never to return from again.

Ok, we'll all keep in touch. Let's trade numbers. That's what facebook(or stalkerbook) is for. Life will be good. No, it doesn't end that way. Those that you "friend" on the ludicrous app called facebook have a life beyond the dimensions of cyberspace. And even then, dwelling upon a social network to communicate with your actual friends in real life is sad. Terribly sad.

I don't necessarily have a problem with change all the time, but sometimes it's ridiculous. Take for example my friends. We all meet up every once in a blue moon, but this won't be going down anymore. Some will move off, never to return again. Some will go elsewhere, seeking their own fortunes. I honestly accept that my days are limited. The only regret I have is I didn't get off this rock sooner....

That's the big problem with me. I should have been the first to be ahead of the curve, so I would be unaffected by all these changes. And they wouldn't hit me like a ton of bricks so suddenly when I had to face my own realities that things weren't ever going to be back to the happier and golden days of days' past. They are only the echoes of fonder memories of the uncertain present.

Why do I dread change so much? Hmm.. it could have to do with the fact that every time something does change, it always comes with drastic and dire consequences. Those that I'm unable to accept or cope with for a while, but let it sink in later.
 
I have gone through so many changes that I've become a sentinent, numb, and almost heartless being now. Too many times have I lost contact with good friends because they've grown up and grown apart. And then there's others that I hold dear to my heart, but can't dread leaving fearing that they may change for the worse as well.

Here's a nice quote from Scrubs that I posted a while back on stalkerbook:

“I usually don’t like thinking about the future. I mean let’s face it, you can’t predict what’s going to happen. But sometimes, the thing you didn’t expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you’re going and just enjoy where you’re at.”-JD from Scrubs

He couldn't have spoken it with more truth if God gave him a high five after that quote. 

I guess instead of moping around, whining, and complaining about how all my friends are growing up, I've become more inwardly critical, and worrying so much about my own future, I should enjoy where I am at the moment. Yes, change is super lame when all of the people that you grew up around move away and go off on their own, but the thing that ties us all together is the happier times you spent with them. Like the time Nuwanda and I wooed those hot girls at D-Fizzes house. Or the time that Eric and I first met up. Or the time I met Morgan playing dodgeball at NOC, being completely unaware of how awesome and tactically advantageous it was to have him on my team. Chatting it up with Dan-O on Crackdown. Making collab videos or railing on Noobs on Xbox Live with Reggie in the earlier days. Meeting up with Rich in outwar and stomping everyone in our path. Hanging with my friends from Perry on the weekend. Chatting with Viper until I got yelled at from my parents? Or finally joining DMI, following in the footsteps of one of my best friends, Jake, and aspiring to one day be a talented artist like him, Kael, Austin, Ryno, and everyone else in DMI besides myself. Even you Phil....

Every event that I went through. Every person that I met along the way. Those things have defined who I am now. I wish I could keep us locked in the hyperbolic time chamber, freezing those fun and exciting moments I have had and never letting them end. But I have to wake up from my la la land of happiness and face the reality. We all grow up, and all we can hope for is that we won't ever grow apart. That one's for you Ryno :P


This is dedicated to my friends. All of them. I don't know where we'll all be in 5 years, but I hope the best for all of you. I don't even know where I'll be. I would just pray that we all still remain friends and remember we got this far together.


And for you Nuwanda. You've become a better friend to me over the past year. And made me a better person, that has reason to fight for his own ideals, to never be afraid to question others, and have purpose as to why I act the way I am. You've taught me so much, made me laugh harder, and helped me build the confidence I need to fight my daily battles within myself and against the world. I do hope we meet again someday, but if we don't it has been an honor and pleasure to know you man. You will come back one day to visit and we'll kick it like back in the golden days.


That's all for now. Thank you to those who were bored enough to read this post.

My top 10 games for 2010 and beyond.

Hello everyone. Decided to post a different blog that's not so serious and thoughtful this time. In fact, it has to do with the one hobby that keeps me stabilized in my life: video games.

Say what you want about this form of interactive art, but I absolutely adore them. Now and always. So here's my top 10 games.


1. Mass Effect 2
This one is a no brainer. I'm getting this bad boy next Monday. Good bye social life!
The first one was so incredible that it renewed my faith in Bioware and gaming in general. I never knew one game could have such an emotional impact on all the decisions that you make plus with all the other cool action sequences you go through. I definitely see Bioware as the lead pioneer of video games in the future.

2. Alpha Protocol
Another action-RPG that is under the radar for now. It's release date is sketchy, but basically think of Mass Effect(wide scale, deep story, intuitive character creation, moral choices, etc.) but throw in the likeness of the Bourne movies, James Bond, Splinter Cell, Metal Gear Solid, and every other awesome spy movie or stealth game ever created. I definitely recommend this to anyone who wants a solid RPG for the early spring/late summer. What's most interesting about this game is you create how you want your spy operative to move. You can focus on hand-to-hand combat, weapons focus, gadgets, or a combination of all three perhaps.

3. Brink
Not much is known about this game, other than good ol' Bethesda is working on it(notorious for Fallout 3 and it's awesomeness). What I get from this game is that it's an action first person shooter, with an innovative maneuvering system. I think of it as a love child between Fallout 3 and Borderlands, both two great AAA games. Consider me psyched.

4.Halo: Reach
Ok, so put aside the fact that I've been a Halo fanboy since the beginning and view this selection from an objective view. This is Bungie's last game(supposedly) in the Halo franchise, then they're passing it off to 343 Studios, which is an internal company dedicated to everything Halo within Microsoft. It's the prequel all of us dedicated fans have been waiting for. And it's their swan song. Boasting new combat (assassin kills anyone?) new armor options, more Spartans in the campaign(woot!) and larger battles (40 instead of 20 from Halo 3), this is definitely the nice icing on the Halo cake everyone of us gamers has been waiting for. Now we just got to see if the beta in the Spring is worth playing over my grades :P

Mmmm... More Spartans beating down Elites. Awesome combo for  a prequel.

5.Infinite Space.
This little DS gem is on my radar for two sole reasons: 1. It happens to be in space. 2. Fully customizable space warships, while also commanding a whole crew in combat. I truly hope this won't let me down.
Putting aside the fact it's heavily anime influenced, it still looks like a solid game.

6.Splinter Cell Conviction
This looks awesome. After about 3 years of development hell, Sam Fisher is back in action. Granted, I never truly beat a complete game, but I'm willing to give this one a try.
Expect the same high-quality spy action with stealth kills from the previous games.

7.The next Ghost Recon game
Ok, by now, I'm a big fan of Tom Clancy. Great writer, and even better gave Ubisoft some great ideas for games. One of my fondest games on the Xbox (post Halo 2 and before Halo 3) was Ghost Recon. I spent hours just playing this game all over the place. The next installment is supposed to arrive sometime either next year or later this year. And I am excited for it.

Couldn't find a logo for the next game title, but it's rumored it's called Ghost Recon:Predator

8.APB
Think of the game Crackdown, but in a MMO form. Then you get APB, a huge MMO where customization is ridiculously detailed and you can choose to either side with the peacekeepers or gangmembers. I'm not normally into MMOs, but this one is worth checking out.

9. Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2

The first one was a lot of fun. Let's hope they can do it again.

10.Alan Wake

Think of a psychological thriller, mixed in with mystery, and the entire element of a versatile and hostile environment. A writer would be the least likely hero in any story, but this game is the exception. Throw in a dash of the Silent Hill-esque atmosphere and you have a game that has a lot of potential to succeed. Let's hope it rocks our socks off in May.

Honorable mentions: Golden Sun DS, Castlevania: Lord of Shadows, Crackdown 2, Aliens Vs. Predator, MegaMan Zero collection DS, No More Heroes: Desparate Struggle, Deus Ex 3, Bioshock 2, Dead Space 2, Mercs Inc. , Just Cause 2, Red Dead Redemption. Modern Warfare 3, Medal of Honor: Modern Version?, Dead Rising 2, Metal Gear:Rising, God of War III, Infamous 2, Lost Planet 2, Fable 3, and many more.

It will be a nice future for video games!

Later!