What is this a picture of? A building? An institution? A prison? To some, it may be the turning point in their lives where they go to seek an advancement of their education. To others, it may be another 4 years of paying attention to professionals who memorized all of this useless information to regurgitate back onto the students that maybe care enough to pay attention.
This, my dear friends, is a college building. I pulled a random building from off the internet to define it's symbolism. You see, this building stands for far much more than just a place to hold classroom lectures. This is the ultimate learning environment. Or so one would certainly hope for.
Let me summarize briefly what happens to you from your last 4 years of high school to your first years of college.
9th to 12th grade you spend constant time, effort, and research into what you want to do with your life. You look up schools, careers, talk to counselors, take campus tours, and even apply for countless scholarships. Then boom! Graduation day hits you, the paper is yours, and you're out the door. You have to decide on your own map where to go from here.
So it's narrowed down to three options: don't go to school and go for a job, with only a high school diploma, go to a junior college then either transfer or go for a job then, or junior college then transfer to a 4 year school. You go with plan C, and pray to God that it doesn't fail you.
Junior college seems wonderful. You've made a ton of new friends, began to embrace your true identity of your own passions, made some good connections, met some respectable and influential teachers, and continued to do well. Then graduation comes again.
You graduate, your friends jet, your awesome teachers stay there, then you move on to a bigger school.
It can't be that bad right? Nope. Not even. You go to a 4 year school near home, offering a very poor degree in what you want, and if you survive, you'll get a bachelor's degree in something somewhat related to your original degree.
Fast forward to the present day. 4 year school. 1 semester down. Very little friends. Very bleak outlook on life. And then it hits you like a truckload of cow manure: you're not doing very well at all in college.
Which brings me to the purpose of this entire post: why college can truly slay your dreams.
To quote Lewis Black in "Accepted", college is a service industry. And he couldn't have been anymore right. College professors are being paid to teach to the best of their abilities to educate the students that pay thousands of dollars for a high quality education. So why is it that when one student fails, it goes unnoticed?
Is it typical for students to have a rocky start in a bigger college? I'm not quite sure. But I will say that to any so called "teacher" *cough *cough lousy graduate students with less than 2 years experience trying to cash in willing to fail a student giving an honest effort to regurgitate the information retained in the class should be fired. You give the college reputation of a higher education a big slap to the face.
I've come to accept time and time again that a 4 year school is more hardcore than anything. I picture it as the T-Rex on the food chain. It can eat almost anything that eats other things. The only trick to it is not to be around when it feeds. In this case, do the work, attend class, pay attention, contact the teachers, and everything should be good right?
Not all is good at the moment. I had to deal with the fact that I did poorly than I expected to be. I have to change my entire life routine just because my GPA went straight down to hell. Is it all my fault? No. Is it all of the faculty's fault? No, but they did pull the trigger to assassinate my grades.
Out of curiosity, I will one day research what requirements are needed to be a teacher at a college university. I would wish that they eliminate grad students teaching classes in general education that have no idea how to teach freshman.
In their own defense, I can see they want to make an honest buck. Perfectly respectable. All I ask is that they factor in that not everyone will be up to speed about everything they lecture about. Thus, I would prefer experience over anything when getting a college education.
The reason why I did poorly this semester was a number of things. Sure, I could point fingers at video games, goofing off with my pals, and chasing after hot girls, but that won't get me anywhere. It's comparable to a dog chasing it's own tail. It's amusing, pointless, and goes in a complete circle. Same with my reasonings, but one reason I can affirm is the lack of quality of my education. 4 out of 5 of my teachers were all graduate students.
What happened to high quality college professors? Up to this point in my school career, I've had nothing but excellence from my own teachers. And they have demanded nothing but the same from me. But the instant I hit OSU, it changes. I learn the same tactics I used at NOC don't apply well to a big wig 4 year school.
But the thing that really irks me the most over there is that they take advantage of the BIG school reputation and run with it. They care less about quality, and care only more about whether or not they're taking some college kid's money, entrenching them in a life full of debt until they get a decent job regardless of that little white paper in their hands saying they spent a good 4 to 5 years of their life learning stuff they need to know in order to prove to the world they're not complete morons.
I try to write these posts for good. That maybe someone out there, in my shoes or can somewhat relate to me, can say that man, this guy hit the nail on the head. We're living in an unjust and corrupt system and until we recognize that, we'll always be the victims.
I apologize if I seem quite radical now, but this newfound manifestation of anger has only seeped through my veins through the past couple of weeks. I hope in turn that any college student struggling with their first semester can seek hope from my post and know that failure is never the end; it's always a new beginning. Sure, you may go through redemption like me, but the road less traveled is the one always worth taking.
To leave on a more positive note: Understand that I wrote this post in order to expose the flaws of any type of school system, regardless of your grade level. Do not take from this post that I mean to insult what educators are doing for students. That is the complete opposite. I wrote this to better prepare students in the future not to make my mistakes, understand when they fail it's not entirely their fault, and that teachers, grad student or not, should take full responsibility if a student is struggling, and shouldn't worry so much about the money they make.
You can't put a price on a good education.
Good night and God Bless
An aspiring artist, a profound thinker, and wishful human being trying to find his place in this world.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Adversity: Surviving it all and laughing back at it.
Imagine yourselves in a boat. I'm talking old school, with wooden structure, sturdy sails, no electronic equipment. Let's call it a "pirate" type of ship. that doesn't constitute that you're a pirate(unless you want to be).
From here, we'll also say that you are sailing around the world to different major countries. Start off in the US with New York(you start off in California), go to Brazil, head over to India, hit up Japan, down to Australia, and then back again to the good ol' states.
Now one might say that this would be an amazing, life-long, and intense journey. You are correct. To an extent. But not only is it pleasurable to experience, it poses quite a bit of a challenge: Everything in between.
To elaborate more on this, think about it. You're not just going to be able to smoothely sail around the world with ease. There will be massive gusts of wind, weather changes, hostile water creatures such as sharks, modern day pirates where they could potentially either rob you or murder you, or possibly you run out of supplies and are relying on something to reach out to another to get help.
Through all of this, the element of adversity surrounds you. You go through these trials not only to learn, but they bring out the best in yourself. Given, when one is put up against the most difficult of odds, 1 of 2 things happen: You either persevere and thrive successfully through it or fail miserably, crashing and struggling to survive.
Everyone deals with adversity. This whole theme has stuck to me at this point in my life. I'm dealing with so many things right now it's almost overwhelming. To stay out of the cliche' thing of complaining about all of my problems, it will be agreed that I don't lead a perfect life. So to conclude from this statement, we can say that also it is affecting a huge part of my life.
I'm going through the typical obstacles of adversity right now. School, jobless, family, mental health, motivation, girls, and everything else stacked on top of that. But one of the things that irks me the most out of all of these is the intervention of my own life.
Nothing irks me more than telling me that I have a problem and I need to fix it or I'll have it forever. Things should be a choice, not a demand. If it was demanded that I improve my social skills, then I'm more likely to not care to improve my skills. If I naturally come into my own being and improve myself, that's completely different.
The only person in your own lives that can take charge in any given situation is you. You're the one who calls the shots. You're your own hero. You make your own downfall. You control your own destiny. Let no one ever tell you any different.
This post isn't in any resentment towards my friend, but as a way of expressing my understanding. He claims I have a social anxiety disorder, I'm in denile, and it isn't laziness. I hate to break it to him, but he's wrong on all three counts. I care about my good pal very much, but it's sometimes I don't want to be labeled. That I need help or not. Let me figure out things on my own.
I honestly believe he has a disorder. He cares way too much and hypercritically of others, including myself. It's not a bad thing, but he needs to take a supportive and defensive approach to things. After all, it's much better to put out a fire instead of soaking more gasoline to it.(Unless you're just a natural pyro)
Later today, I'm going to be put through a social experiment. Just to stupidly prove to him I'm capable of talking to anyone I dare wish to and that I don't have a social disorder. And he's dead wrong. I just choose not to talk to anyone. It's my own (excuse my language) damn choice. He won't ever understand, to this point, but he better get ready to be wrong. Because it's going to happen.
I can be quite stubborn myself, but on a positive note, say I have this "disorder" he so diagnoses(because he has certification to say I have one? Not at all. He's just going based off information gathered on the interwebs) then the best I can do is improve constantly, at my own discretion.
This is my biggest curse. I somehow grab the attention of too good of friends. And it can be my downfall. On rare occasions, I grab the attention of those friends that care way too much for my own well being, instead of just being my friend and generally be supportive. I don't want to be a lab rat in an experiment. I want to be treated as an equal and I demand the same respect as anyone else would at all times.
Here's a cool exercise to try out: Close your eyes.Imagine yourself in your most triumphant moment. Whether it be graduating school, getting a job,or even getting that special someone you had your eye on. Memorize every detail the best you can in that scenario. Ok now from that point on, work on making that goal a reality.
From my studies in my psychology class, the more likely we are to accept our own positive or negative imaginations, the more likely we are to make the necessary actions to make them come true.
If adversity has taught me anything, it's this: don't ever, ever, ever, EVER, give up on your goals or dreams in life. You, yourself, has the potential to do anything in this world that God created. Anyone can become President, and lead the world into a golden age of peace and prosperity. Or you can be the ruthless tyrannical dictator of a third world country that everyone despises. Let nothing hold you back. And I mean nothing. Not even the end of the world.
That's just it though. That's what's so fascinating about the human mind and humans in general. What sets us apart from animals with less intellectual thinking than us is that we have the reasoning and hidden potential to put it into action. And make the world anything we want them to be. But it's ultimately up to yourself. You're the only barrier that can stop yourself from doing anything. And you're the cape that can make you fly straight up to the moon, beyond the stars, and into the heavens.
There are just some things in life that happen to you for a reason. Maybe I crashed and burned so hard this semester because I needed to learn the biggest lesson of all: not being afraid of failure. If I came to terms with my own fear of failing, there was nothing to lose. And nothing to hold myself back.
Don't ever tell you someone that you can't do something. Screw adversity. It will always be there to kick you down the stairs, but God or whatever religious entity you believe in, gave you the will power, strength, and physical limbs of legs, and arms to push yourself through any given situation. Nothing is impossible. Everything is achievable.
You just have to believe.
Good Night everyone.
From here, we'll also say that you are sailing around the world to different major countries. Start off in the US with New York(you start off in California), go to Brazil, head over to India, hit up Japan, down to Australia, and then back again to the good ol' states.
Now one might say that this would be an amazing, life-long, and intense journey. You are correct. To an extent. But not only is it pleasurable to experience, it poses quite a bit of a challenge: Everything in between.
To elaborate more on this, think about it. You're not just going to be able to smoothely sail around the world with ease. There will be massive gusts of wind, weather changes, hostile water creatures such as sharks, modern day pirates where they could potentially either rob you or murder you, or possibly you run out of supplies and are relying on something to reach out to another to get help.
Through all of this, the element of adversity surrounds you. You go through these trials not only to learn, but they bring out the best in yourself. Given, when one is put up against the most difficult of odds, 1 of 2 things happen: You either persevere and thrive successfully through it or fail miserably, crashing and struggling to survive.
Everyone deals with adversity. This whole theme has stuck to me at this point in my life. I'm dealing with so many things right now it's almost overwhelming. To stay out of the cliche' thing of complaining about all of my problems, it will be agreed that I don't lead a perfect life. So to conclude from this statement, we can say that also it is affecting a huge part of my life.
I'm going through the typical obstacles of adversity right now. School, jobless, family, mental health, motivation, girls, and everything else stacked on top of that. But one of the things that irks me the most out of all of these is the intervention of my own life.
Nothing irks me more than telling me that I have a problem and I need to fix it or I'll have it forever. Things should be a choice, not a demand. If it was demanded that I improve my social skills, then I'm more likely to not care to improve my skills. If I naturally come into my own being and improve myself, that's completely different.
The only person in your own lives that can take charge in any given situation is you. You're the one who calls the shots. You're your own hero. You make your own downfall. You control your own destiny. Let no one ever tell you any different.
This post isn't in any resentment towards my friend, but as a way of expressing my understanding. He claims I have a social anxiety disorder, I'm in denile, and it isn't laziness. I hate to break it to him, but he's wrong on all three counts. I care about my good pal very much, but it's sometimes I don't want to be labeled. That I need help or not. Let me figure out things on my own.
I honestly believe he has a disorder. He cares way too much and hypercritically of others, including myself. It's not a bad thing, but he needs to take a supportive and defensive approach to things. After all, it's much better to put out a fire instead of soaking more gasoline to it.(Unless you're just a natural pyro)
Later today, I'm going to be put through a social experiment. Just to stupidly prove to him I'm capable of talking to anyone I dare wish to and that I don't have a social disorder. And he's dead wrong. I just choose not to talk to anyone. It's my own (excuse my language) damn choice. He won't ever understand, to this point, but he better get ready to be wrong. Because it's going to happen.
I can be quite stubborn myself, but on a positive note, say I have this "disorder" he so diagnoses(because he has certification to say I have one? Not at all. He's just going based off information gathered on the interwebs) then the best I can do is improve constantly, at my own discretion.
This is my biggest curse. I somehow grab the attention of too good of friends. And it can be my downfall. On rare occasions, I grab the attention of those friends that care way too much for my own well being, instead of just being my friend and generally be supportive. I don't want to be a lab rat in an experiment. I want to be treated as an equal and I demand the same respect as anyone else would at all times.
Here's a cool exercise to try out: Close your eyes.Imagine yourself in your most triumphant moment. Whether it be graduating school, getting a job,or even getting that special someone you had your eye on. Memorize every detail the best you can in that scenario. Ok now from that point on, work on making that goal a reality.
From my studies in my psychology class, the more likely we are to accept our own positive or negative imaginations, the more likely we are to make the necessary actions to make them come true.
If adversity has taught me anything, it's this: don't ever, ever, ever, EVER, give up on your goals or dreams in life. You, yourself, has the potential to do anything in this world that God created. Anyone can become President, and lead the world into a golden age of peace and prosperity. Or you can be the ruthless tyrannical dictator of a third world country that everyone despises. Let nothing hold you back. And I mean nothing. Not even the end of the world.
That's just it though. That's what's so fascinating about the human mind and humans in general. What sets us apart from animals with less intellectual thinking than us is that we have the reasoning and hidden potential to put it into action. And make the world anything we want them to be. But it's ultimately up to yourself. You're the only barrier that can stop yourself from doing anything. And you're the cape that can make you fly straight up to the moon, beyond the stars, and into the heavens.
There are just some things in life that happen to you for a reason. Maybe I crashed and burned so hard this semester because I needed to learn the biggest lesson of all: not being afraid of failure. If I came to terms with my own fear of failing, there was nothing to lose. And nothing to hold myself back.
Don't ever tell you someone that you can't do something. Screw adversity. It will always be there to kick you down the stairs, but God or whatever religious entity you believe in, gave you the will power, strength, and physical limbs of legs, and arms to push yourself through any given situation. Nothing is impossible. Everything is achievable.
You just have to believe.
Good Night everyone.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Art: The Infamous Travesty
Take this piece of graffiti artwork for example:
This isn't my original artwork. I found it off the internet. Particularly google.com. But I absolutely adore it. Why? because someone drew an arcade machine on the side of a building. I respect it because it's a piece of art and it appeals to my sense of nerdery. Something I take pride in.
It absolutely disgusts me. It disgusts me that I am an artist. I am a free thinker, drawing inspiration deep within my soul. Yet it is my greatest curse. I am in school to study art. To further develop my drawing skills. And improve. But the greatest crime ever committed is one simple thing: teaching art in schools.
Art is something that has it's own interpretive value. The works of Picasso could mean nothing to you if you truly didn't understand their own abstract nature. It is important that one appreciates and possibly respects artworks of different artists, but why is it so critical that we have to "abide" by certain principles?
Isn't the point of art to express yourself? Why are we, as artists, held down by certain guidelines? Did anyone direct Leonardo Da Vinci what to draw? No. He learned from his peers, drew inspiration, and made his own pieces. I don't care what form of art you express yourself in, whether it be painting, woodshop work, 3D computer modeling, sculpting, or even playing any type of instrument, as artists it's our duty to take our stand now. When you take your classes or begin to create something derived through your soul, you remember forever that you don't need an authority figure to tell you that your artwork is "respectable and accepted". It's how you interpret it yourself.
There are two types of artists I have observed in this world. There are the guardians, who strive to succeed in every aspect but at the same time encourage others around them. Then there's the hot shots who think they're the coolest thing since cool whip. Regardless of whichever artist you may be, one common goal for you is to create art. For me personally, I could care less about the artsy fartsy hot shots. They believe that their competence is higher than any of their peers and that's what sets them apart.
Living as an artist is a constant struggle. I will always seek approval from others, and deny that I'm falling behind or not quite up to par than others. Now that I have accepted my limitations and strengths, I can gradually begin to improve and heal.
The main point why I happen to be venting about this issue is my drawing class. It has brought great joy and great misery to me. Same with my 3D class. Both classes test my limits in terms of creativity. I have been both graded on what I have created through both classes. And due to certain "expectations" of the instructors, I happen to be on the borderline of a low C. A "C"? Yah, I'm being graded on being a struggling artist. I call this the biggest travesty of them all.
Why is this a travesty you may ask? The main idea is this: How in the world can you judge art?! Art is truly interpreted from one's own soul; what they're feeling, how they see the world, and how they strive to appeal to their audience. Just because I haven't been doing well on one project, doesn't mean I don't have an audience. Regardless of what I've created as an artist, I respect all of my work. There are those that I take more pride in, but I treat every medium of art, digital or concrete, as something created from deep within.
When I create something, I either take very little time to get to the end or I put in so much work into it that I don't even recall how I completed it. It feels similar to having an out of body experience. When you know something clicks inside of you, nothing will stop you until you have accomplished your goal.
And sometimes it works very well for me. Or in the worst case it doesn't.
If you take anything from this post of my insane rambling, remember this: art will never have a price. And it will never have a standing crowd of fans. It has one and only one fan. Yourself. And as long as you believe in your own works of art, music or drawing wise, nothing in this world can stop you from expressing yourself.
So go ahead world. Grade my art as you will. I don't need your letter grades to tell me what true art is. It is within my own being. And that's something you will NEVER be able to GRADE!
This isn't my original artwork. I found it off the internet. Particularly google.com. But I absolutely adore it. Why? because someone drew an arcade machine on the side of a building. I respect it because it's a piece of art and it appeals to my sense of nerdery. Something I take pride in.
It absolutely disgusts me. It disgusts me that I am an artist. I am a free thinker, drawing inspiration deep within my soul. Yet it is my greatest curse. I am in school to study art. To further develop my drawing skills. And improve. But the greatest crime ever committed is one simple thing: teaching art in schools.
Art is something that has it's own interpretive value. The works of Picasso could mean nothing to you if you truly didn't understand their own abstract nature. It is important that one appreciates and possibly respects artworks of different artists, but why is it so critical that we have to "abide" by certain principles?
Isn't the point of art to express yourself? Why are we, as artists, held down by certain guidelines? Did anyone direct Leonardo Da Vinci what to draw? No. He learned from his peers, drew inspiration, and made his own pieces. I don't care what form of art you express yourself in, whether it be painting, woodshop work, 3D computer modeling, sculpting, or even playing any type of instrument, as artists it's our duty to take our stand now. When you take your classes or begin to create something derived through your soul, you remember forever that you don't need an authority figure to tell you that your artwork is "respectable and accepted". It's how you interpret it yourself.
There are two types of artists I have observed in this world. There are the guardians, who strive to succeed in every aspect but at the same time encourage others around them. Then there's the hot shots who think they're the coolest thing since cool whip. Regardless of whichever artist you may be, one common goal for you is to create art. For me personally, I could care less about the artsy fartsy hot shots. They believe that their competence is higher than any of their peers and that's what sets them apart.
Living as an artist is a constant struggle. I will always seek approval from others, and deny that I'm falling behind or not quite up to par than others. Now that I have accepted my limitations and strengths, I can gradually begin to improve and heal.
The main point why I happen to be venting about this issue is my drawing class. It has brought great joy and great misery to me. Same with my 3D class. Both classes test my limits in terms of creativity. I have been both graded on what I have created through both classes. And due to certain "expectations" of the instructors, I happen to be on the borderline of a low C. A "C"? Yah, I'm being graded on being a struggling artist. I call this the biggest travesty of them all.
Why is this a travesty you may ask? The main idea is this: How in the world can you judge art?! Art is truly interpreted from one's own soul; what they're feeling, how they see the world, and how they strive to appeal to their audience. Just because I haven't been doing well on one project, doesn't mean I don't have an audience. Regardless of what I've created as an artist, I respect all of my work. There are those that I take more pride in, but I treat every medium of art, digital or concrete, as something created from deep within.
When I create something, I either take very little time to get to the end or I put in so much work into it that I don't even recall how I completed it. It feels similar to having an out of body experience. When you know something clicks inside of you, nothing will stop you until you have accomplished your goal.
And sometimes it works very well for me. Or in the worst case it doesn't.
If you take anything from this post of my insane rambling, remember this: art will never have a price. And it will never have a standing crowd of fans. It has one and only one fan. Yourself. And as long as you believe in your own works of art, music or drawing wise, nothing in this world can stop you from expressing yourself.
So go ahead world. Grade my art as you will. I don't need your letter grades to tell me what true art is. It is within my own being. And that's something you will NEVER be able to GRADE!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Wanted: Originality

Humans, above all other living creatures known on Earth, are the most common and most interesting species to observe. More importantly, I find the most intriguing body part in the human body is the brain. Think about it. The brain constitutes how one can immediately go from dying of laughter to complete sadness in an instant. It retains our thoughts, memories, emotions, and our aspirations of what we hope to be someday.
Think of our brain as the ultimate entertainment center. You take in sounds, like a huge batch of speakers, there's a clear visual in real-time, which is the flat screen, and then you have the hardware. The hardware is the input information that you're putting into your brain to produce all of these things your brain manages. It dictates the "you" today, tomorrow, and 5 years from now.
What you do with this entertainment center is monumentally up to you. It is only the hardware. People, in ourselves, are the driving force behind this entertainment center. We are the ones that experience life-changing, fearful, or critical moments in our lives.
So how do we draw the line between fitting in with the "crowd" and pressing for originality? There's a gray area there that we have to overcome at our own paces. If you want to push yourself to be more outgoing, do so, but only for the intentions of your own. Don't do it to fit in.
For the past 2 months, I've hung out with many people. Some leave a negative impact on me. Others don't. The ones I prosper around encourage and raise my self-esteem to a whole different level. Exponentially, does this last? I would say not. It is not natural for someone to be too "overly optimistic". There are several factors to always disrupt this specific "flow" of things in one's life. It's what you choose to do that will determine what will happen in the end game.
What is originality anymore anyways? "Thinking outside the box" is a very common term that I stride for. It is visually appealing when we're all thinking outside our usual norms of thinking levels because it challenges us to push our own limits. Think of what would happen if Thomas Jefferson would have never thought of the Declaration of Independence. His "thinking" wouldn't have forged the foundations of the America we have today. And to that, we owe him a thunderous applause. It's the least we can do....
So on that note, I'll end with something thoughtful, yet profound. I challenge others out there in the world to find your own "originality". There is something in everyone that makes them who they are. Even myself. I draw upon the best qualities of my friends and mix in some spice from my "wild card" persona. And there you get me.
Think of all the things that constitute who you are. I'm not talking the things you've done or the people you know. Really put out a mental sweat and think of 5 different elements that make up the "you" in this world that oppresses those against the "norm" , and leaves them to wither to wind back where they started.
Last thing:
Poem of the day! I continue my series of poems as I continue my quest away from facebook, the plague of all intersocial networks on the interwebs!
Anger
Violent storms
Roll through the mountains
Thunder curses the heavens
Blood is boiling
Sunlight fades
Shadows take over
Hope withers
All is gone
No way back
Spirit low
Away to black
End.
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Friday, October 16, 2009
My multiverse version of myself would die in laughter...

Here I was back then. Maybe I was around 12-15 but I didn't know any better right? I was just enjoying the simple things in life. Like avoiding taking pictures from my parents when they tried to catch me off guard. Life was good.
=================================================

Here is yours truly now. Nothing much has changed for me. Except that I learn as I live in my life. And that is a lesson in itself. I sit there somewhat smiling in my dorm room at my other college I transferred to. Life can't get better? Well not quite....
Besides beginning a new chapter in my life, I have new perspective on things. If you ever took the time and looked back at yourself between the past and the present, you could either notice one of two things:
1. You haven't really changed much at all. No maturity level, no sense of morality, nothing.
2.You have changed exponentially. For better or worse.
In a way, I'm a mix of the two persona. One, there's the mature, more consistent and thoughtful me. And then there's the child in me waiting to manifest itself again to value what is important overall in life. Enjoying life, because you only have one and it goes by so fast it will make your head spin.
I'd like to quote a very good band that really hits home every time I hear them.
"I want to have the same last dream again
The one where I'm awake and I'm alive"
-Angels and Airwaves-The Adventure
For some odd reason, every time I listen to this song, I get goosebumps. Yes, they're a progressive alt-punk band, but they speak with purpose, conviction, and compassion. Those lyrics alone make me reexamine my entire position every time I hear this song anywhere, whether it be on the internet, pandora, the band on tv itself, or anything.
Besides the point, I have yet begun to live. This entire time, up to now, I've been so obsessed with impressing girls, fitting in, and finding more friends than ever since I've transferred to a bigger campus. But that isn't me. The Charle dying to manifest inside is the writer. The artist. The goofball. The friend. The shield. The fighter of injustice. The vigalante. He is everything I'm not right now. But that ends here.
I have already begun the process of transition. I have cut back on facebook, and other obsessive ties with the internet world. I choose to express them throughout the form of drawings, writings(such as this) and reflection upon music.
If everyone in their lives would take 10 minutes to themselves each and every day, it would make them a happier person. I guarantee it.
The whole essence of "finding yourself" has always been misunderstood to me for a very long time. I'm not trying to be modest, but I've been a writer all along. Maybe not so much an artist, but my canvas was the internet. And whomever would reach out to a incomprehensible soul, searching for his own purpose in life. And here I am.
And in all honesty, my writing now sucks bad compared to what I was writing in the past. This isn't even respectable right now. The things I wrote were truly drilled within my soul, and spilled out upon here to express how I was exactly feeling. This just seems like a cheap b-grade horror movie that has good intentions, but doesn't quite cut the cheese. Not like that...
Here's the beginning also of a series of poems that will describe my journey throughout these two weeks of trial, endurance, and reflection. The first poem is inspired by true events:
Free
The hand is lifted
Weight is gone
Pain remains
Just move on
Shrouds of shadow
Echoes of past
Rage arrives
Never it lasts
Path narrows
Direction forward
No regrets
Peace walk toward
It may not make any sense, but it is genuine. And written from the heart. I'll continue to post more poetry and other inciteful writings as the weeks progress. Let's just all hope I'm still here in one piece haha.
Day 1 is down the drain. Bring on Day 2!
Not sure whether or not I'll update weekly or bi weekly, but I'll keep this going until my trial of facebook hiatus is done.
Thanks to all who took the time to read this. Later!
Labels:
blogging,
dreams,
hope,
insomnia,
inspiration,
poetry,
preseverance,
progress
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Ready to be new again

I am the rookie. I am the guy that is new, inexperienced, unnoticed, and waiting. I have the untapped potential to seize the day and make it mine. This is my story and it begins now.
Hello everyone. I am turning over a new leaf in my life. Why the sudden change? Many reasons to be exact.
But in order to understand where I'm coming from, one has to accept and deal with his past demons. So, if you really have time to read this, I welcome all comments and feedback.
This all started with college. A new beginning. New friends. New environment. I was so sick of the word "new" that I'd rather prefer the familiar environments I've grown accustomed to, like my boring hometown(excluding my parents). With the many "new" things heading my way, I felt overwhelmed.
I was transferring to a new school. Trying to branch out to new friends. Got new room mates. All within the first couple of days. And it didn't stop there. New classes. New people. Actually, 50,000 other people. Didn't know what to expect. And they didn't expect me to make it this far. I didn't even expect to make it this far.
Here I am today. 21 years old. Single. Still don't know what I want in life. And I've forgotten where I've come from. I have forgotten the little things in my life that have made me happy. The essentials: God, friends, video games, writing, drawing, and shooting movies. These are the things away from the troubles of corrupt graduate students, trying to impress the ladies, and fitting in this "crowd" of the social norm that everyone expects you to do.
This will change. I am standing firm in my own beliefs, my own ways, and who I am in principle. I am sticking to my essentials in life and I know if I hold onto them, they'll get me where I need to be. I don't need the luxuries of facebook and worries of girls to get in my way every time I need more in my life.
Don't get me wrong: girls are wonderful. One hug alone from them can completely change your whole mood for one day. But alas, not everyone is fortunate to embrace a friendly hug from a pretty girl ever day. It would be blasphemous.
Now is the present. I live in the moment. Not in the past. Not worrying about the future. I am starting a new.
So beginning today, I officially quit facebook. For two weeks. If things go well, I'll bump it up to a month. If they don't, I'll continue my dronal life, keeping tabs on people.
Wish me luck. Because I'll need it!
Oh, and I watch this every time I'm down. Or want to be inspired.
It works!
Good night and live well world.
I will keep tabs on my progress away from facebook on here. If it's vitally important for those who take interest in my life anyways...
There will be tons of projects on the way to occupy my time away from facebook. I'm talking tons and tons of photoshop. Might even do after effects. Simple projects, nothing major until I get back on my feet.
Labels:
beginning,
chapter,
discovery,
inspiration,
new,
old school,
roots
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Late night blogging....
I don't know why I'm still awake. I should be asleep. People that are normal are sleeping at this very moment. Yet I am one of the few that defies this. Or the only one. Who even knows at this point. Or maybe even cares.
My life is spinning right now. Everything I've done, will do, and have done is flying past me at this very second. There's nothing I can do to control it, but I have to try to fight. It's so hard at this point in my life to do something effective because I always wonder whether or not it will make a difference.
For example, I'm going to examine my failures of this week.
-My drawing teacher implied I'm not going to make it into drawing 2.
-The girl I really like has put me in the friend zone. Or even better, I did that to myself.
-I am never focused on my homework. Even when I think I am, I get sidetracked.
-I almost want to give up on school.
-I don't believe I'm going to survive my art history or math classes. I need to work harder, but it's sometimes difficult to pay attention when art history is boring....
And there you have it. My complaints for this week. I wish things were better for me. The only person that can change that for me is myself. I can't let or make anyone choose what I do from this point on.
My life has been consumed with girls at this point. And that wasn't my original intention. I was going to dedicate more time than ever to my studies. Make the grades, meet more people, then have some fun along the way. What the hell happened???
What happened is the exact opposite. I met a good amount of people, played too many video games, and haven't had efficient sleep thanks to good ol insomnia and my brain thinking too much. And to top it off, I haven't been focusing on my studies. And I've been focused on girls.
Girls. You never can understand them. I can't understand them. Girls don't understand girls. And girls don't understand guys. This world is a puzzle in itself. The own complexities of this universe alone is enough to drive someone insane.
This all started with one girl. And it will end with me.
Met a girl a while back. Hit it off well. I was bragging that things were going well between us. I thought so anyways. Turns out when I asked her to a movie Sunday, she turned me down. Or was she lying? I may never know. Who even knows....
But that's it though. I don't know if she was lying or not. She turned me down intentionally because she didn't want to go to the movies with someone she's never met before(granted we've only known each other for 2 weeks, during that time I gave her a gift already).
This post won't revolve around girls. It revolves around the obstacles in my life. I thought that the world was bad already, I have to deal with my own inner struggles like everyone else.
-Insomnia
-Girl problems
-Focus on School work
-Struggling as an artist(both 3D and drawing 1)
-Confidence in myself
Look at myself. I'm awake at 3:00 a.m. in the morning, have class in 5 hours and I'm worrying about girl problems. To top it off, I don't have my drawing homework done, I have a test in two weeks, and I haven't been studying as hard as I need to be. What the hell is wrong with my life?
Where is my focus? Where did I go astray and decide, hmmm.... let's do everything opposite that I dedicated myself to do.
No, this isn't me. This isn't who I built myself to be in the first place.
So here I am. The same 21 year old in college. Miserable, having an identity crisis, and not able to accept what he wants in life. Someone please contact me when I finally have my sanity and full answers to my life, let me know. Don't even freaking hesitate...
That's it for now. Good night or good morning to all.
My life is spinning right now. Everything I've done, will do, and have done is flying past me at this very second. There's nothing I can do to control it, but I have to try to fight. It's so hard at this point in my life to do something effective because I always wonder whether or not it will make a difference.
For example, I'm going to examine my failures of this week.
-My drawing teacher implied I'm not going to make it into drawing 2.
-The girl I really like has put me in the friend zone. Or even better, I did that to myself.
-I am never focused on my homework. Even when I think I am, I get sidetracked.
-I almost want to give up on school.
-I don't believe I'm going to survive my art history or math classes. I need to work harder, but it's sometimes difficult to pay attention when art history is boring....
And there you have it. My complaints for this week. I wish things were better for me. The only person that can change that for me is myself. I can't let or make anyone choose what I do from this point on.
My life has been consumed with girls at this point. And that wasn't my original intention. I was going to dedicate more time than ever to my studies. Make the grades, meet more people, then have some fun along the way. What the hell happened???
What happened is the exact opposite. I met a good amount of people, played too many video games, and haven't had efficient sleep thanks to good ol insomnia and my brain thinking too much. And to top it off, I haven't been focusing on my studies. And I've been focused on girls.
Girls. You never can understand them. I can't understand them. Girls don't understand girls. And girls don't understand guys. This world is a puzzle in itself. The own complexities of this universe alone is enough to drive someone insane.
This all started with one girl. And it will end with me.
Met a girl a while back. Hit it off well. I was bragging that things were going well between us. I thought so anyways. Turns out when I asked her to a movie Sunday, she turned me down. Or was she lying? I may never know. Who even knows....
But that's it though. I don't know if she was lying or not. She turned me down intentionally because she didn't want to go to the movies with someone she's never met before(granted we've only known each other for 2 weeks, during that time I gave her a gift already).
This post won't revolve around girls. It revolves around the obstacles in my life. I thought that the world was bad already, I have to deal with my own inner struggles like everyone else.
-Insomnia
-Girl problems
-Focus on School work
-Struggling as an artist(both 3D and drawing 1)
-Confidence in myself
Look at myself. I'm awake at 3:00 a.m. in the morning, have class in 5 hours and I'm worrying about girl problems. To top it off, I don't have my drawing homework done, I have a test in two weeks, and I haven't been studying as hard as I need to be. What the hell is wrong with my life?
Where is my focus? Where did I go astray and decide, hmmm.... let's do everything opposite that I dedicated myself to do.
No, this isn't me. This isn't who I built myself to be in the first place.
So here I am. The same 21 year old in college. Miserable, having an identity crisis, and not able to accept what he wants in life. Someone please contact me when I finally have my sanity and full answers to my life, let me know. Don't even freaking hesitate...
That's it for now. Good night or good morning to all.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Hello World.
Just a quick blog post to end my day.
Just some quick updates and that will wrap up this blog.
Youtube updates:
-Working with a friend to get more viral video projects started. Expect more content later on in the year.
-Unsure about status of TGR 10 as of this moment. School takes up 95% of time and most of my stuff is on my desktop. I only have my laptop.
-I'll try to start more side projects extending beyond the youtube media. This is, but not limited to continuing my podcast, blog posts, and other things.
Mainly school has taken up most of my time. When I finally get around to other projects, I'll keep you updated.
And it would be appreciated if I had input/comments. Just so I know where what direction I could go in this.
Also, check out my friend's blog:
theimpostors.org
Later
Just some quick updates and that will wrap up this blog.
Youtube updates:
-Working with a friend to get more viral video projects started. Expect more content later on in the year.
-Unsure about status of TGR 10 as of this moment. School takes up 95% of time and most of my stuff is on my desktop. I only have my laptop.
-I'll try to start more side projects extending beyond the youtube media. This is, but not limited to continuing my podcast, blog posts, and other things.
Mainly school has taken up most of my time. When I finally get around to other projects, I'll keep you updated.
And it would be appreciated if I had input/comments. Just so I know where what direction I could go in this.
Also, check out my friend's blog:
theimpostors.org
Later
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Top Job Web Sites
Hello everyone. I'm going to be posting a blog entry about the best job web sites on the internet.
I would hope that in these trying times that these web sites can provide some sort of direction for those who don't have a job yet, such as myself. Here are some quick links to the best sites I've found for job seekers right at this very second.
http://www.EmploymentCrossing
http://www.Hound.com
http://www.monster.com
http://www.careerbuilder.com
Hope these could be helpful to anyone out there that needs a job!
I would hope that in these trying times that these web sites can provide some sort of direction for those who don't have a job yet, such as myself. Here are some quick links to the best sites I've found for job seekers right at this very second.
http://www.EmploymentCrossing
http://www.Hound.com
http://www.monster.com
http://www.careerbuilder.com
Hope these could be helpful to anyone out there that needs a job!
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